Tomodachi
by Meimicchi
Summary: [Spoilers for CCS tankoubon ten] Tears cried beneath a swingset at dusk, and the reasons behind them. S&S, songfic.


For the sake of this being less confusing, the POV switches from Sakura to Syaoran after each song line. ^_^; The scene takes place during tankoubon ten, so there are definite spoilers for it.  
  
  
  
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Tomodachi  
by Meimi -meimi@time-stranger.net-  
5/24/00  
  
  
  
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_ i was thinking about what's with you today in the cold wind  
leaning against a branch, i talked to you  
i was so cold as the sun set  
i cried  
you were silent by my side, as though protecting me  
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_ I don't like crying, really.  
  
It really does make me feel weak.  
  
I've felt that so much lately.  
  
I...  
  
I couldn't help Yukito-san. He was vanishing, blurring away into nothingness, and I saw it and ignored it all. And because I didn't act on it, Oniichan...he's...  
  
I'm supposed to be the new Card Mistress. I'm supposed to be able to care for all the Cards, and the Guardians...and I couldn't save Yue-san.  
  
The worst of it isn't that I failed as the Card Mistress- that's almost a trivial matter. It's that I wasn't being a good friend. I promised Yue-san that we'd be close friends...and friends care for each other...and help each other through troubles, right? And instead, I acted so self-absorbed that I was ignoring everything my senses were screaming out to me...  
  
And even now.  
  
Even now, crying into your shoulder, I feel weak.  
  
  
I feel like I can't get through anything without asking your help now...from the beginning, you always helped me and reminded me to be strong...so many times in the past, I think I would have cried forever,if you hadn't been there. If you hadn't told me, over and over, "Don't cry. You can't think if you cry. Think."  
  
It's always you who told me not to cry...so why are you letting me now? Why don't you order me to stop, like you always do? You can always make me stop.  
  
And then you say I'm acting strong.  
  
But strong people don't have tears trickling down their cheeks.  
  
  
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_ that mysterious world is reflected in those eyes  
i had that feeling  
would you call it longing?  
i'm sure you told me what it meant to dream  
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_ The only thing that ties me to reality is your sadness.  
  
Sadness that I can understand, feel as though it were my own...not just because it's yours, but because I'm facing the same situation as you are. Because we're alike right now.  
  
And you're acting so strong. So strong, not to cry at the moment you were rejected...to keep your sorrow inside you, until now...and a tiny, faint part of me wants to be happy for myself. Happy that you came to me with your tears, confided in me, trusted me enough...  
  
But I can't be. I can't let myself be happy like that at the expense of your sadness.  
  
...so I'll have to try to be as strong you are...and keep my feelings inside. I'll make sure you never know about the sadness I'm hiding away in my heart. It'll never add to your own.  
  
So smile.  
  
Let all your sadness come out at once now...so when you smile next, it won't need to be the forced one you've been showing everyone today...the mask everyone can see right through.  
  
Cry real tears now- and stop those fake smiles.  
  
  
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_ if we become seperated  
i said just a while before  
"i'll be here if you don't forget this wish"  
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_ It's amazing- ever since the beginning, ever since we first met...you've always appeared out of the blue when I needed you most; to the point that I wonder what I would have done without you. You've always been the one to help me when I was in trouble, teach me when I was confused...listen to me when I cry.  
  
Even though you so rarely *talk* to me...just your prescence has always made me feel better...made me feel like I can do anything, because you're behind me, protecting me, helping me.  
  
I can do my best when you're by my side.  
  
I want to succeed when I feel your gaze meet my own.  
  
  
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you're faraway  
but i don't want to lose  
together we're always rivals  
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_ And at this moment, I find myself thinking back...far back to months ago, when all of this began. It seems like an eternity since I first came to Tomoeda, and saw that carefree, bright-eyed girl who carried the Clow Cards I'd come so far to retrieve.  
  
It seems more like years ago. So much has changed since that first day.  
  
...especially me.  
  
I don't know how you managed to make me into a completely different person- but you did it, bit by bit. We started out in a one-sided rivalry...with me being the only one who challenged you, and you the reluctant opponent...  
  
And despite the fact that you didn't even put up a fight, I lost in the long run.  
  
To your smile.  
  
  
----------_ though you don't rely on me  
my darling friend  
i won't tell anyone my most important memory  
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_ I can never explain to you how much of a help you are to me, or make it up to you, but...  
  
Just by your being with me now...  
  
I can convince myself that it'll surely be all right.  
  
You said, just now, that I was acting "strong". But I'm not one bit.  
  
You are my strength, Syaoran-kun.  
  
I pull away slightly, not meeting your eyes...and it's almost as though you don't want to let go of me.  
  
"...naki yanda ka."  
  
"...un..."  
  
I brush at my tears one last time- you've helped me to stop them, just like you always have before.  
  
I won't forget it again, Syaoran-kun.  
  
Zettai daijoubu yo.  
  
  
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_ we'll meet again  
my darling friend  
i won't forget  
my darling friend  
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_ ----------  
  
  
I honestly can *not* believe I actually finished this, it's been a work-in-progress for months. O.o; But considering how the song is Tomodachi from Esca, and I just saw Esca for the first time two weeks ago...*sparkle*sparkle*...that might have something to do with it.  
  
Thanks *TONS* to Shi-chan for her lovely preread and catching my mistakes! *glomps Shi-chan* All C&C would be very much appreciated~! --Meimi  



End file.
